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I'm tired of all of this

I'm so... tired. I used to get angry, I used to rage to friends and family and make it my priority to research an issue so I understood it, and see if there was anything people could do about it, stay informed, do something even if it was small and I didn't have much free time between work and school. But it's gotten to the point where, though I'm still angry, I can't always handle the energy and the stress it puts on my anxiety and depression prone brain. I'm only 24, and I have so much going for me in so many facets of my life, but I'm tired.

Tired of checking social media or news and having to read about another tragedy. I'm blessed and privileged enough to be able to distract myself, to focus on my own tenuous mental health for a little while before I do anything else, anything other than just see people argue on Facebook or somehow brush it off to protect their own discomfort because they're privileged like me, and mourn over children I've never met but whose family will never hear them laugh again.

So, this will not be like my usual blogs. I like sharing my life and trying to be upbeat because the world truly sucks sometimes, and a gif or song or silly anecdote might make someone smile, or my own personal struggles might resonate with someone's own. But today is different. I'm not an expert by any means, and honestly my voice in the infinite, cluttered world of the internet probably doesn't mean very much. I usually don't like writing at length about big things like this on the internet; I think face-to-face conversations and definitive action is much more effective. You don't have to agree with me, or even read any further if you don't want to, but I've had these thoughts running through my head all day and I needed somewhere to put them.

To get it out of the way right off, and obviously this is in no way original, we seriously do need to have better, stricter, gun laws. I fully believe in the power of prayer, but "faith without works is dead," so something has to happen that will stop this, or at the very least, make it less common. If you have a better suggestion for how to fix this problem other than that, please share it, but if it's just 'it won't change anything' or 'but what about my rights,' then don't say it, please. Because so far, doing nothing has gotten us 18 shootings in the US in the first seven weeks of 2018. Happy New Year.

I don't think everyone's guns should be taken away, for the record. I just think that if I need background checks for something as innocuous as to catalog a post card into a museum's database, then maybe something that could literally kill people in the wrong hands should probably have some too. I also think that it's asinine to claim that a regular citizen should need an automatic or semi-automatic weapon for any reason. If you want to feel safe or have a way to defend yourself, or hunt, or even just practice shooting sometimes, fine, but explain to me why it is necessary for a civilian to be able to shoot 400 rounds per minute. 

Guns are also not the only problem. As many people on the internet have argued, "guns don't fire themselves." The people who have been the perpetrators in most of these cases have been identified as mentally unhealthy in some way. So maybe in addition to some new regulations, mental health should also be taken more seriously, rather than being brushed off because some people don't understand it and you can't physically see the problems people are having. Maybe listening to people when they say something's wrong,  rather than assuring them it will be fine and telling them it's all in their head (obviously, by the way),  or better yet trying to notice and ask if something is wrong, we find a way to understand and combat it like we would any other kind of health issue. Obviously we have a lot of societal issues that contribute, and like I said, I'm no expert, but surely we can at least try to be empathetic to other human beings, show compassion and caring and be the "great nation" that America so likes to claim it is. Stop ignoring issues just because they don't apply directly to us.

I don't understand why caring and trying to make something concrete happen, so that more people-children- don't get killed is so offensive to people. Obviously passing a few laws wont entirely fix the problem. Obviously if people still want to hurt other people they will find a way. I could find you articles and graphs and charts about why it would almost certainly help- because I've read them, because it would-  but if you don't want to know or care then it won't do any good. People are still evil and hateful, the world still really sucks sometimes. But just looking at a problem, sending thoughts and prayers, but not caring enough to come up with a solution just means nothing is ever going to change, that children will still have to go to school and be afraid that they might be next.

Like I said, I am not an expert. There are people who could argue and explain and do more than I can. But families of those people who died don't have the luxury of turning off the news and forgetting about it. I really, really hope that you are blessed enough that you never have to deal with it first hand, that your life and your community is as secure as mine currently feels, and that you don't have to care or do anything if you don't want to. Because I don't want you to be sad or scared either. I hope you do care, though.

I don't know. There are a lot of things I could say, or argue, or suggest we all do. There are things, of course, because civic involvement is important and getting involved is the only way to accomplish anything. I realize that my writing this on the internet doesn't do anything concrete, but I couldn't stop thinking about it and maybe this helps someone articulate their own thoughts, whether in agreement or not.

If you've even read this far, thank you for listening. I hope your day is actually really nice, I don't mean to be a downer and I know that despite actually caring (I don't think you're inherently a monster or uncaring if you disagree with me) life can't be put on pause to focus entirely on this.

Please stay safe, and I love you. *hugs*

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