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Grad School Struggles and Irishmen

Ah life. Plans. Sometimes things just really do not go the way you want them to. Which is good in many cases: AKA my year is currently filled with uber exciting plans and trips with people I love and/or to places I love. In other cases, not so much. 

So, if you have talked with me at all over the last 2-3 months, you'll probably have gotten a shpeel about my research on Londonderry and the Ulster plantation. I'll have told you about how difficult it has been to find even some of my secondary sources, not even to mention the hassle it is to even get in contact with people who could potentially help me with my primaries. You'll know that I have spent several hours every day, sometimes from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed, doing this research. You will know I have complained and contemplated many times if perhaps quitting and becoming a stripper would be a better course for my life (that last bit was a JOKE for any family members or concerned parents, I promise that's not in the cards. That would require giving up pastries which I am just not prepared to do.) But as much complaining and wining as I do, you will also probably know that I have been so excited about this research. I freaking love Ulster. Just everything. The present day. All its stories and nuance and just fascinating, wonderful, juicy parts of its past, and this research was letting me delve into a part of that. 

Just one of the pretty maps I've been examining.
 Which means it sucked all the more yesterday when I chatted with my professor and we agreed that right now, with the limited access to sources and troubles I keep having with working through this, that the best thing would be to change my thesis. 

Thank God, many of the sources I currently have are going to still be important, and honestly I already have loads of ideas for this new topic. Instead of doing straight historical research, I'm analyzing the histories of the Ulster plantation, seeing what was left out, comparing it against the evidence I've come up with. It's still a good topic. I still like this topic. In fact, it might be a better one than my original topic, and certainly more attainable of a goal at this stage and at this latitude and longitude of my academic career. BUT I DEFINITELY JUST SPENT TWO MONTHS OF MY LIFE DOING DISTINCTLY NOT THAT TOPIC. 

Like Ben, apparently my hard work has been a lie. 
                                
So in that vein, I'm just a little upset. And I know it's just a paper, which in the grand scheme of things is not a huge deal. But for me that has literally been my life since January. As a result, at this point, sanity is illusive, as is motivation. Especially these next ten days— I have to finish some kind of rough draft by the 28th—prayers (and hugs if you’re around) would be appreciated.

On the plus side this new topic seems more doable and the stress I was feeling for not being able to do the best research I could do on my first topic has now lifted. Also, my professor is completely understanding when I say I need to take an incomplete and finish this over the summer. It’s a mixed blessing for sure, but the negative part makes me want to repeatedly bang my head on a wall.

This is me.

My life is not all struggles of course. It’s absolutely beautiful today in Pittsburgh, and I have a lot to look forward to. This coming Monday I get to go see Emmet Cahill in concert, which I’m incredibly stoked for.(A meet and greet is happening!!!! I might spontaneously combust.).

This face, guys. And the voice. I cant. Just adfhlsadflsk. 
 Then Wednesday I get to head home for a week to see my family for Easter. Then next month I have an anime convention (for which I have some bangin cosplays) and I’m going to DISNEY for the first time (!!!)
                                     


 and in June I’m going back to Ireland for 10 days (be still my heart!!!)! Just, many good things not to mention the people who surround me throughout all of this. My blessings are way greater than I deserve.


Anna is my spirit animal. 
Which makes me feel a little silly for complaining about research. It does still suck. But there’s also a lot to be happy about.  There’s so much more to be concerned with than a research topic, and I know that. I mostly just really wanted to vent so sorry about that and thank you for bearing with me.

So, with that, I should probably actually get started on that new research. (I was serious, prayers please?) Before I go, though, here are a couple of videos of some charming Irishmen, as yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day.


                                         

The heartthrob himself

                                                                               :) 
                                                                                          Never fails to make me smile :)
                                         


(Sláinte!)

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